Happy couple in sunglasses lying on the beach
Happy couple in sunglasses lying on the beach

It seems like a win-win situation.  You get all of the sensual and physical benefits of being with someone but none of the sticky emotional complications.  However, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.  Also, sometimes a booty call relationship can go sour regardless of initial intentions.  What do you do when a booty call or short term relationship goes bad?

The Sex Is Too Good

As mentioned, sometimes there is such a thing as having too much fun.  Even though those in strict physical relationships avoid emotional complications, withstanding the tendency to like someone for personality and other qualities, you may start to crush on someone because of the physical pleasure they provide.  Sometimes the sex is just too good and you begin wanting to see that person more, even daydreaming about them.  This is a danger zone for people that are supposed to have a ‘no strings attached’ relationship.  It sounds antithetical to a booty call relationship, but if the sex is too good, you may have to cool things off.

The Calls and Texts Are Unrequited

Yes, marriages and serious relationships require that two people are equally invested.  But booty call relations are like that too.  Consider what would happen if one person calls and texts but only gets answered when the other person just wants sex?  Even if the connection is based on physical interactions, both people deserve respect.  If one person remains unreceptive while the other calls or texts more often, it’s time to call it quits.

The Other Person Gets a Boyfriend/Girlfriend

When both people are single, a physical relationship works.  Both parties’ physical needs are fulfilled yet there is no emotional taxation.  However, the climate changes a bit when one person begins a relationship.  That person may want to remain in the booty call relationship while invested in an emotional relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but as the maxim goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.  If both people are single, the booty call relationship works.  If one gets in a serious relationship, it changes things and it means it’s time to move on.

The ‘No Emotions’ Rule Changes

Of course, it’s easy to start a booty call relationship with the promise that neither party will catch feelings.  However, it’s much more difficult to achieve once you begin having regular sex, spending the night, and hanging out as friends with benefits.  If one person begins cuddling too much, getting jealous, or hinting toward wanting an actual relationship, it’s time to stop the friends with benefits connection.  Even if the person who is getting gushy denies they have feelings, actions speak louder than words.  At that point, it’s up to the other partner to be the bigger person and walk away before feelings get hurt.

The Other Person Has Too Many Partners

There’s a difference between having a friends with benefits relationship and being in an open relationship.  You may like the idea that you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend but don’t want to feel like you’re one of many.  Establish some casual dating rules before you start being intimate.  If you don’t want to be sharing their sex organs with a cornucopia of other partners, say something.  Otherwise, you may be one item in their sexual trophy case.  Furthermore, if you do establish this guideline but it’s violated, it’s time to end this booty call connection.

There is Nothing Beyond the Sex

Just because you don’t want to be in a serious relationship with the person it doesn’t mean  they don’t have to offer more than sex.  For example, other than a great body and ability to make you feel amazing in bed, they should care about you as a person, give great advice, or be a good listener.  The next time the sexual explosions come to an end, evaluate your partner and consider what they provide other than an orgasm.  If you can’t think of many good qualities, consider ending the relationship.

You Change Your Mind

Maybe you needed this type of relationship.  For example, you were in a long and serious relationship or you’ve had a limited number of sexual partners.  Maybe you just wanted to explore your sexual wild side.  Regardless of the reason you started it, you may begin to change your mind.  That’s your prerogative and you needn’t feel guilty about it.  It’s your body and you’re entitled to change your mind regarding who you share it with.  If the mental alarm sounds on your friends with benefits relationship, make it public and tell your partner it’s over.

Amber Carr has worked as a sexologist and relationship consultant for the past 5 years. She is a regular writer on the topic of sex and relationships for a number of women’s interest blogs and relationship sites.