There should be a children’s song “If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.”

~Jim Gaffigan

Missing Toe

“Anyone else just lay in bed making mental movies of perfect scenarios in life?”

Tiny Kids Chair

Funny Quotes And Funny Photos

“My friend thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.”

Pumpkin Fight

“During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles. Who the heck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?”

Towel Me Off

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There is a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and the meet at the bar.”   ~George Carlin

Eggs

“Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.”

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