If Your Cat Could Talk, What Would She Say?

Today is National Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day and when I saw this, I was very amused! Not only did I think it was funny there was a day reserved to observe this but it made me think of my cats. My cats are two sisters, Meep and Fat Hazel and they are just a joyful pair of cats to have. You can read more about them in my post Top Holiday Gifts For Pets Who Have Everything. I firmly believe these cats were destined to be part of this family and they could not be any different. Meep is the demure, petite and agile cat while Hazel is big, pretty chubby, apathetic and darn right lazy. In summary, Hazel is a girl after my own kinda chubby, pretty apathetic and loving to be lazy self. I decided to give you a glimpse into the world of Fat Hazel and the conversations she and I have on a daily basis.

hazel in a box

Me: “Good Morning Hazel, time to get up.”
Hazel: Coldly stares from her perch on my legs, which went numb hours before…says nothing. She is not a morning feline.

Me: “Ok, Hazel, I know you are not a morning person, but you need to get off my legs so I can get out of bed.”
Hazel: Still coldly stares and contemplates answering. After a full 20 seconds of staring, she finally says. “Too lazy to move. Five more minutes.”
She is lucky I am as much not a morning person as she and hate getting out of bed, so I comply to her request. Five minutes turn to ten, which finally turn to 20.

Me: “Ok, cat, your 5 minutes are up. I actually let you sleep and extra 15.  Move it.”
Hazel: “Gee thanks. Make me.”
Me: “It is also time to eat breakfast.”
Hazel: “You drive a hard bargain lady. “

After dragging her furry and expansive body out of my bed, she ambles down the hall and eats, watching me make coffee out of the corner of her eye. I dropped the creamer once and she will never let me forget it. Shes know it was not a once in a lifetime thing, so she waits for the day I will do it again and she will lap it up before I can clean it. For a cat who ambles through life, she can book it when it comes to food! I take my coffee to the sofa, get my laptop and open it on my lap (cuz duh, that is why it is called a laptop) and stretch out my legs. Hazel has already wolfed down her food and makes her self comfortable on my legs. When I work, this is where she stays…until I have to pee or get more coffee, which usually go hand in hand. Then I get more dirty looks until I decide to stop with the coffee and settle into working for an hour or so. I get up to make myself breakfast. Hazel decides since she is up anyway, she will follow me into the kitchen where she sits by her food bowl and watches me.

Me: “Why are you looking at me like that? It is not time for you to eat. It is time for me to eat. You can stop looking at me now.”
Hazel: “You are getting old and forgetful and I took a chance you may have forgotten you fed me already. Besides being forgetful, you are also extremely clumsy, so I am hoping you will drop your bacon and I can pounce on it.”
Me: It is my turn to stare.
Hazel: “Ok, pounce was not the best word to use. How about, make my way slowly over while I mesmerize you with my green eyes. This way I will hypnotize you into not picking up the bacon and throwing it away?”
Me: “Lucky for you, if I do drop any, I am too lazy to pick it up and it is all yours.”
Hazel: “You are so predictable. I love that about you. It also makes it easy to take advantage of you.”

I “accidentally” drop a small piece of bacon, settle back on the sofa and get back to work. Hazel comes over, lays back on my legs and as she is licking bacon from her mouth, she blinks, stares at me and says “Thanks for the bacon…loser.”


Speaking of food, if Hazel does not get a treat every day, she gets more annoyed than usual. I feel best giving her a snack which is made from safe and all natural ingredients like those from Dr. Harvey’s Healthy Formulations. They have food and teats for your Dogs, Cats, Birds, and Horses and are all natural, chemical free, and nutritious and are all made in the USA. They have essential vitamins and supplements to keep your furry friends at their healthy best. 

We received a variety of products from Dr. Harvey’s, but the favorite for my girls by far were the Whisker Smackers. This snack is filled with freeze dried beef or fish (we got fish) and the cats loved it. They ate the heck out of this and I had to literally grab the bag from Meep because she growled at me when I tried to take it! You can find another very healthy and delicious treat for your cat or dog in the Power Patties, which is freeze dried tripe. Be sure to browse through their Veg-To-Bowl, Oracle and other healthy foods as well as the line of supplements for your animal companion. One USA reader will win 2 packs of the Power Patties for their pup $26.

If your cat could talk, what would he or she say?


  1. Our cat is SO crazy, I could totally see her doing stuff like this. She is getting lazy now that her kitten phase is passing.

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